Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
