i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
