No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
