did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
