But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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