i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
