He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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