Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
this is an emotional support booty call
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
