i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have tasted many bathrooms
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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