yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
