and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
