I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
