week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
