I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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