i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
