dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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