You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
