last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
