please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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