you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
