I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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