it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
