I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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