i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
