Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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