Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he shaved USA in his pubs
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
