its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
