Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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