i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
