walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
