Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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