I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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