if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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