You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
