we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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