I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Blow job season was short but glorious.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
