New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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