I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
where are my eyebrows?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
