I have demons in me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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