yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
