So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
