Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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