the day after is always just damage control
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
