I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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