I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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