well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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