I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
