you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
