I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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