I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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