I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
