You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
