Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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