I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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