Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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