i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
