how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
