Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
