i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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