Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
