just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
