I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
