If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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